6
Apr 04

The Broken Places

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Kevin McNamara
The Spit on the Gold Coast

The Spit on the Gold Coast

by Dave Roberts

I was watching a promotional ad on television recently for the show “Intervention” and saw a quote from Ernest Hemingway, which read: “The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”  Actually, this quote is a passage from Hemingway’s novel: “A Farewell to Arms.”  Hemingway was one of the great American writers of his time, who died in 1961 as a result of suicide.  As an aside, Neil Peart of Rush wrote the lyrics to a hauntingly beautiful song called “Losing It” which in part alluded to the rise and fall of Ernest Hemingway.

The first part of this quote: “The world breaks everyone,” may seem on the surface to be both morbid and fatalistic.  The reality is that if we live long enough, we will become broken by events in the world that are tragic and painful beyond belief.  I believe that loss breaks everyone to one degree or another.  When my daughter Jeannine died in 2003, at the age of 18, many parts of me were broken.  My faith, my trust in a greater good, my values, my hopes for the future, were all shattered beyond recognition.  During my early grief, I never fathomed that the broken parts of me could ever be fixed.  I could not visualize experiencing joy again.

I am in the ninth year of my journey as a parent who has experienced the death of a child and I have been able to find joy and meaning again.  In essence, I became stronger at the places that were broken after Jeannine’s death.  I did it by reading about other parents who became stronger at their broken places after their children died, and finding out how they did it.  I also availed myself of the support of other parents who understood my pain and together we discovered how to fix the broken places.

Fixing the broken places of our grief does not mean that our world returns to the way it was before our children died, or that the pain of our loss ever truly goes away.  What I believe we learn to do is fix the broken places of our grief in a way that allows us to find significance in a world that is different without our children.  Understanding that our relationships with our children continue after they cross over and that they communicate signs of their presence has also helped fix the broken places of my grief.

There is no time frame for fixing the broken places of our grief.  It will take as long as it takes.  As long as you are willing to work through your pain of loss, you will eventually learn new ways of dealing with it. Also keep in mind that hope for the promise of a new world after the death of our children, can come from the most unlikely of sources.  Just be open to it happening and embrace it when it does.

“This article was originally published on www.opentohope.com.”

Dave Roberts  is an addictions counselor and clinical supervisor as well as an adjunct professor in psychology and psychology child life at Utica College, New York.  He is also the founder of www.bootsyandangel.com a website dedicated to his daughter, Jeannine, who died of cancer at age 18. It helps families move through their grief.

 

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box!  Thank you :)

Twitt
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3
Mar 09

Will I Ever Get Over My Grief?

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Kevin McNamara
Sunset on the Gold Coast

Sunset on the Gold Coast

Will I Ever Get Over My Grief?

By JoAnne Funch

People ask me this question often because they are in pain. They wonder if they will ever be happy again. Will I ever get over my grief?  First let me say that I don’t believe you ever “get over” your loss, rather we learn to reconcile to it in time.  With that said, we do live in a society here in America  and I suspect other industrialized nations in the world where everyone wants us to  get over it, and get back to what others deem as normal life.   I know from my own personal experiences of loss that I felt like I was in a tunnel looking out and life was busy and chaotic all around me and I felt frozen in time.   I acknowledge such cultures and religions honor the dead and the bereaved differently and I praise them for this.

During my work with the bereaved the past few years I have discovered that they almost need permission to continue to grieve because everyone else has moved on and no one is  talking about the loss anymore.  You feel all alone in your pain.

Death is uncomfortable for the living, often family,  friend, and colleagues feel vulnerable because they don’t know what to say or how to support  you.  I teach people to ask for the support they need because this is the absolute way you will feel cared for and comforted.

So when will you feel happiness again?  Will I ever get over my grief? Is it possible that happiness may be about acceptance rather than about having fun?  Happiness can be found all around. If you start with the beauty all around you like the trees, flowers, lakes and oceans. You can find happiness in that moment of beauty and serenity.

I challenge you to find a little happiness today and this day forward.

 

“You don’t heal  from the loss of a loved one because time passes, you heal because of what you do with the time” – Carol Crandell

 

 

JoAnne Funch is a grief coach, speaker and founder of Heartache To Healing an online grief support site dedicated to helping anyone to cope with loss, grieving, and bereavement in a compassionate and heartfelt manner.

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box!  Thank you :)

Twitt
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Feb 22

How to Forgive Yourself

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Kevin McNamara
How to Forgive Yourself

Forgiveness

How to Forgive Yourself and Release the Pain

Being able to forgive ourselves or others is one of the hardest things we will ever do. In fact some people can never do it. It’s too hard and too painful. The anger they have towards someone or some group is too much for them to ever be able to be at peace.

If you have lost a child then forgiveness becomes so much harder. The pain, resentment and sheer frustration and heartache leave us blocked and unable to release that pain.

Turns out that until we can forgive those who have hurt us or let us down we will continue to carry that baggage around. We cannot move on and be complete.

And carrying that baggage around is like carrying an infectious disease. It is actually causing disease in our body. Eventually it will come out in some illness or disease. It is literally a dis – ease in our body.

It is so important to know how to forgive yourself as well as forgiving others.

If you are willing to learn what I am about to teach you you will be able to move from -

                1. Having an aching, painful, angry disposition towards someone that causes you unhappiness and sorrow whenever you think about them.

                2.To having feelings of inner peace and a real understanding of what forgiveness is.

Many medical tests have been carried out over many years and it has been proven that by holding a grudge or anger or resentment towards another person actually does effect your health.

Let’s prove it:

How to Forgive Yourself  Part 1. (Read this part first then close your eyes and experience it)

I would like you to write down the name of someone who has really caused you pain and suffering in your life. Someone who you are really angry and bitter towards. (it’s ok if you write down your own name!)

Now I want you to really go back to that time and re live it. Really feel the pain. Imagine it is happening now. Feel your body and emotions and really feel that anger, bitterness, in some cases hatred of that person. Be there in the moment of that experience and become conscious of how your body feels. Just feel it.

How does that feel?

Just stay with that feeling…where do you feel that anger? In the tummy? In the chest? In the head?

What has just happened to you is an experience of your body’s spirit literally running out of your body. Your spirit has taken off and left you powerless. Zapped you of energy, motivation, passion, power. You have no power. Your spirit cannot survive with anger, pain, bitterness, hatred, frustration coming from inside you. In its place is a dull thud somewhere inside you.

It is a negative energy that is inside your body and in some people has been there for many years. Thats what the dull thudding pain was you felt. That negative energy is what causes your body to go out of alignment, become ill and in some cases causes death. Most diseases are caused by having a negative energy live inside us for too long. If we don’t let it go it will hurt us and manifest itself in some way or another. Would you like to get rid of it?

How to Forgive Yourself  Part 2

Now I want you to think about something completely different. Concentrate on being in a boat on a river in Ireland or England or some favourite enchanting place you know of. There is mist rising up off the river and it is so still and beautiful. There is a castle on the side of the river and a tree hanging over the water, the mist is so alluring. You see it rising all around as you float so peacefully down the river you are so at peace with the world. Not a care. Not a worry.

Now imagine writing your letter on the boat. You pull out pen and paper and you write to the person who caused all that anguish in the past for you. You explain in the letter what happened, how you felt and all the details of the event. Then you tell the person that you forgive them and send them love. You forgive them and send them love.

All your pain and bitterness and anger disappear like the mist on the water. Rising up out of your body and evaporating. You are complete now with this person. You have let that anger and bitterness go. Does that feel so much better?

Now I want you to actually write a letter to that person. Coming from a nice relaxed perspective. Let yourself relax and feel at peace. Writing all that you feel about the situation and the person. Imagine yourself floating down a river and you come to a waterfall that is enormous. Imagine just letting yourself go. You feel so free and at peace. Let your writing flow in the same way.  How do you forgive yourself? You are forgiving yourself now as well as anybody else. Keep writing until you have said all you want to say.

When you are finished you may want to send this letter to yourself or the person you have just forgiven. Or you may not. Either way it doesn’t matter. You have forgiven. And you have forgiven yourself.  The important thing is to feel the forgiveness and feel the relief inside yourself. You will know if you are genuine or not.

The Do’s and Dont’s of How to Forgive Yourself

When we don’t Forgive -

  1. It keeps you feeling you are right and the other person wrong. Your ego at work.
  2. It stops you taking responsibility as there are always two sides to each story.
  3. It eats away at you and blocks the flow in your life causing disease.
  4. It is costing you the love and friendship of family or friends.

When we do Forgive -

  1. You can share the love that has been missing from a relationship.
  2. You take responsibility for your own feelings and clear any blockages.
  3. You feel free.
  4. You cleanse yourself of any guilt or anger towards others.
  5. You are free to love again.
  6. You are free to feel peace and contentment inside.
  7. You are free of any dis-ease.
  8. Your spirit comes alive and your life begins to flow.

Do you want to move from a place of anger, frustration, resentment and pain? Would you like to feel a real freedom and a weight drop from your shoulders and inside your body?

Take Action And Do This Now:

  1. Set a time and a place to do these 2 exercises. (if you haven’t done them already)
  2. Have a pen and a paper ready to write your letter.
  3. Decide that you want to free yourself of this dis-ease in your body and that you want to feel at peace.
  4. Take action right now!
  5. Forgive yourself now and release the pain.
  6. Feel the positive energy return.

How to forgive yourself? You make a choice and release the pain.

If I can do it so can you :)

- Kevin McNamara

To find out about Kevin’s book, ‘Do I Have to Cry to Say Goodbye? Click here

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box!  Thank you :)

Twitt
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1
Feb 06

How to Stop the Pain of Guilt

Posted on February 6, 2012 by Kevin McNamara

The Sunrise

Forgiveness Shining Through

The Pain of Guilt and How to Move Through it  

When I lost Holly to SIDS at 5 months of age, I felt not just the grief and pain of losing a child, I also felt the massive pain of guilt on my shoulders. Lots of guilt. Guilt that would torture me for many years.

I am sure many of you reading this had similar emotions and feelings after the loss of your child. I didn’t know it at the time but feeling guilty is normal. Turns out most people go through the pain of guilt in some form or another. Dealing with it is another story. The ‘if only’s’ and ‘what if’s’ can haunt us and make us feel like the circumstances were all our fault. Some people never move past this painful place. Are you stuck in your grief and guilt? Do you blame yourself for what happened to your child? Remember it is a normal thing.

What would it feel like if you were able to learn and implement what I am about to teach you here and by learning you could move away from -

(a) The deep torturous pain of guilt, anger, suffering, depression, wracked by guilt and feeling utter despair.

And you could move forward to a place of -

(b) Forgiveness, inner peace, inspiration, contentment and calmness.

I have been fortunate enough to get myself to move through the pain of guilt to a place of peace and inspiration and I believe my own experience can help you move through that pain and heaviness that guilt brings.

My own experience was to go over everything I had done when Holly was alive and analyze it all and pick out the pieces that I though may have caused her death. Holly died of SIDS and of course there is no reason given for the cause of a SIDS death but that didn’t stop my guilt. (I outline more about my guilt in my book about my life and losing Holly, titled  ‘Do I Have to Cry to Say Goodbye?’)

I had been working part time at a company packing 25 kilogram (14 pounds) bags containing minute particles of plastic into big containers for shipping overseas. These particles would often stick to your clothes and they would end up on the floor of the car and onto the seats.

When Holly died my first thoughts were ‘Was it the plastic particles that have got into her mouth some how and blocked her breathing?’ Not an unreasonable thought in my mind.

The autopsy results showed nothing of the kind of course but that didn’t stop me thinking that and blaming myself for many years.

I also felt guilty because I was on night shift the day she died and if I had of been around she may still be here. I even felt guilty because one day I blamed Holly for leaving me so soon. Why did she go and leave me? How could she do that? How could I blame her? But I did. And it hurt deeply when I though about that.

Many other thoughts went through my mind where I would blame myself.

I had to stop as I was the pain of guilt was torturing me and I could feel this guilt inside my body. It was like a pain in my chest and stomach. An ache. It wouldn’t go away. I had to forgive myself and I had to forgive everything and everyone else that I blamed or felt guilty towards.

These are the steps I took to move forward and to stop the pain of guilt.

  •  ADMIT YOU FEEL GUILTY WITHOUT JUDGING YOURSELF. I had to admit to myself that I felt guilty. I had to say ‘Yes. I feel guilty and I understand why.’ I had to say that without judging myself. Only then could I move forward.
  • FORGIVENESS. The most important thing you can do to stop feeling guilty. I pictured Holly in my mind (You may like to picture your child sitting in a vacant chair) and told her I was sorry for all the guilt I had been feeling. I asked her to forgive me. I could see her smiling down at me and I knew she had.
  • FORGIVE YOURSELF. Second most important step. If you can’t forgive yourself it’s hard to forgive others. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that Holly had forgiven me, so it was now ok to forgive myself. I didn’t leave the mirror till I could look at myself and smile and forgive myself, knowing Holly was looking at me and smiling. It sounds like a strange and narcissistic thing to do but it isn’t. It is a very freeing and releasing exercise.
  • REAFFIRM WITH YOUR CHILD. Whenever I felt the guilt coming back I would stop what I was doing, get a picture in my mind of Holly and see her smiling and saying ‘It’s ok Dad, the guilt is gone.’ The guilt would subside and I would feel better.
  • MEDITATION I know I keep repeating in most of my articles and video’s to keep meditating but it is the only way to find inner peace. Find some time morning and night to be in silence for 10 minutes and meditate. Relax your mind and let the thoughts of the day pass you by.

Meditation along with forgiveness is the way to free yourself from the torture and the pain of guilt. Our goal here is to find inner peace. That is key to everything. It is the cornerstone of my life and all my teachings. It is the goal of my website and all the work I do. Help others find that elusive inner peace and become inspired.  That is how we move forward.

Do you want to move from a this pain of guilt, torturing yourself, anger and helplessness to a place of forgiveness, contentment, inner peace and inspiration? Then take this action now:

  • Find a quiet place and say out loud ‘I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ……’S DEATH. I UNDERSTAND WHY AND I AM NOT GOING TO JUDGE MYSELF.’
  • Picture your child in your mind (or sitting on a chair or a bed) and have a conversation with them. Tell them why you feel guilty and ask for forgiveness. Don’t move away until you can smile with each other and you have been forgiven and if need be you forgive them. Let it go.
  • Stand in front of a mirror and forgive yourself. If you need to picture your child there with you smiling and encouraging you then do so. DO NOT LEAVE THAT ROOM UNTIL YOU HAVE COMPLETED THIS STEP!
  • MEDITATE! All our problems can be helped and in fact removed with meditation. I can’t emphasize enough how important this step is to finding your inner peace. The place you are desperate to find. It is already inside you. Look at these 2 posts to download free mp3 meditation tracks, The Power of Silence and Merry Christmas). Learn to meditate and you will find inner peace.
  • Do it NOW! Don’t wait for the right conditions they will never come.

Feeling guilt all the time is a terrible way to live your life. The pain of guilt can trap you and keep you bogged down in a very dark place. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Move forward and meditate your way to contentment, inner peace and inspiration.

If I can do it then so can you!

Kevin McNamara

 

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box!  Thank you :)

Twitt
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5
Jan 25

Why Did My Child Die? Why, Why Why?

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Kevin McNamara

How to Start Moving Through Grief by Asking a Different Question! 

New beginnings

New Beginnings

When a child dies the questions parents ask the most are why did my child die? Why was my child taken? Why wasn’t an adult taken instead? Why didn’t God take me instead? Why didn’t he take a bad kid or a criminal kid? Why, why, why, why, why?

The pain of losing a child has no other pain to compare it to. It is like a throbbing open sore that keeps getting worse. Losing your child is simply the worst pain there is. No question. And the only people who understand the grief and pain you are going through now are other parents who have lost a child.

Asking questions like why did my child die? is something we have all done at some stage of the grieving process. Many people try and answer that question for you but I know with me I wasn’t really interested in the answers from others. I wanted an answer from God or the universe or whoever it is that is out there in spirit land! (You question many of your beliefs after losing your child.)

If you are willing to be open and learn what I am about to teach here, you will move from a mindset of:

  1. Anger, pain, suffering, depression and utter despair, to a new mindset of…
  2. Inner peace, inspiration, contentment and calmness.

I have done it and I know that you can do it too.

When I lost my own daughter, Holly, to SIDS at 5 months of age, I continually asked why did my child die? Why? Why? Why? I knew deep down there would never be an answer to this question but it felt good at the time to ask and it released some anger at God and anybody else who was within range.

One thing I learnt very quickly was there is no answer to that question. Having spoken to many other people who have lost a child they all went through a similar experience. And none of them ever received a satisfying answer to the question why did my child die?

Once I knew there was no answer I knew I had to start asking a different question. I had to let go of the ‘WHY’ and find a way to peace and contentment in my mind. I had to start moving forward and not get stuck in my grief knowing there was not a definitive answer to the WHY question.

I also learnt something really important while I was working through my grief. I wasn’t asking ‘why’ because I wanted an answer, I was asking ‘why’ because I was stuck in my grief and couldn’t move forward. Deep down I knew I was in unspeakable pain. The pain of losing a child. I also knew deep down that if I started blaming someone else for her death I could somehow deflect that pain for a short period. But that doesn’t work. The pain of losing a child is intense and is like one long tooth ache that never goes away.  It is always there.

The real reason I was asking why did my child die? was because I was looking for someone or something to blame and that would then take the pain away. I am sure you can relate. Lets unleash our fury on the person who drove the car, the person who fired the shot from the gun or the Doctor who misdiagnosed our child’s condition. I blamed God because with SIDS there is no cause of death given for your child dying. They just stop breathing. No cause. No answer. Blame God. Easy.

But it doesn’t help. It doesn’t give closure. I wanted Holly back and that was never going to happen regardless of who I blamed.

The question I started asking instead was HOW?

Not how could this happen or how come my daughter died and not someone else? I asked questions like:

  1. How can I make Holly’s death mean something? 
  2. How can I not let her death be in vain? 
  3. How can I leave a legacy for this little 5 month old child? 
  4. How can I move forward and feel better about myself and my life?
  5. How can I help others?

How, how, how instead of why, why, why?

Once I started asking these questions I sensed a change in my whole attitude and my outlook. My whole being started to change. I stopped feeling depressed, I stopped saying ‘my child has died, I want to die too now’ and I stopped asking why did my child die?

I started looking at ways I could help others. I started getting inspired to live my life in memory of Holly and to make her proud. I started to grow. I stopped being the flower that had died and became the flower that was alive and growing and blooming.

When I started asking HOW my pain started to subside. It will always be there inside of me but it has lost that intensity. That fierce stinging open sore throb. Inner peace and inspiration are now the dominating emotions in my life and they can be in yours too.

If you follow the steps listed below, you can start moving away from your great pain, grief and sorrow and move towards a place of inner peace and inspiration.

  1. The most important step: Decide that you want to change! Sounds obvious but so many people get stuck in a place of grief and are too fearful to move from it. They remain a victim because it is easier. They form a cocoon or comfort zone around themselves and don’t want to move. YOU must decide if you want to move forward. If you choose to remain where you are that is ok too. It is entirely your choice but to change you need to decide to change.
  2. Once you cross that line in the sand and decide to change, you need to accept that there are no answers to the question ‘why?’ There just aren’t. Why did my child die is a question without an answer. You can make one up and you can draw your own conclusions but in the end we will never know until we join them.
  3. A really important step and one that I tell people all the time in my video’s and articles is to start a whole new relationship with your child. Close your eyes and visualise them smiling down at you and know they are always there for you, holding your hand and guiding you through your own journey. The bond you had when they were alive is still there. They are always there for you. Losing your child doesn’t mean losing their memory.
  4. Once you have really got into the habit of visualising your child being with you all the time and helping you and guiding you start asking yourself questions like ‘How can I honour my child? How can I help others who are suffering? How can I make my child’s death really mean something? How can my child’s death help other people?
  5. Write down the answers to the questions you ask yourself.
  6. Take action on the answers you come up with.

 

If you follow these steps you will move away from the fear of being stuck in your grief and move closer to a place of inner peace and contentment. You start healing yourself and you stop blaming yourself and others. You start seeing your child now through more positive eyes. You can move from a being a victim to being an inspiration.

Do you want to move away from the space you are in now?

Here is what to do RIGHT NOW to make sure you start getting the results you want:

  1. Decide right now to change. Right here, right now!
  2. From today and everyday start the visualisation of your child holding your hand, smiling with you and guiding you.
  3. Take action today on one of the answers you came up with in your HOW questions.
  4. Do it NOW!

Well done. Once we realise that when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change our life takes on new meaning. Start asking HOW and start moving forward.

I have found inner peace and I know you can too.

Love and Peace to you…

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box!  Thank you :)

Twitt
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1
Jan 15

The Power of Silence

Posted on January 15, 2012 by Kevin McNamara

My FREE Gift to start your New Year off with PEACE and SILENCE

The Buddha at Crystal Castle

The Buddha

A great welcome to all for the New Year of 2012. No doubt it would have been tough for many of you. I am sure some of you made your New Year resolutions and I am sure by now many people would already have broken them! Such is the way with New Year resolutions. Let’s be honest, they don’t work very well!

I would like to start the year with a goal for everyone to find some inner peace in their life. When we lose a child we think we will never have peace or inner contentment again. We feel lost and confused and hurt. The very first thing we need to find to start moving through grief is a little peace and clarity. It doesn’t matter how small.

Setting a goal is about changing the way we feel, not just achieving something. We don’t want to make a change just for 2012 either. We want a permanent change, for always. If you can make an effort to find just a small amount of peace in your life then your whole life will start changing in a large way.

Dr Wayne Dyer says “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” By just looking at something in a different way, then what we are focusing on will change. Just by making a small change in our thinking we can start our journey through the grieving process. The power of silence is such a great way to reflect and just be with yourself to find the inner peace and silence that is within all of us. We just need to access it.

A wonderful way to access this peace and silence is through meditation. I hope you all listened and downloaded the meditation on the previous post. It will help you so very much to slow down your thoughts and gain greater clarity over your life.

I am in the process of creating a meditation audio program called ‘The 7 Powers of Inner Peace’. To start the New Year I am giving you a downloadable audio track from the program called ‘The Power of Silence Meditation.’ This is a beautiful meditation commentary to guide you to peace and silence on the inside.

This audio will ease your pain and send you to a place deep inside yourself where your inner peace lives.

What should you do now? -

1. Download the meditation audio.

2, Put it on your ipod, mp3 player or android so you can take it with you anywhere you go.

3. Listen to it in a comfortable place where you wont be disturbed.

4. Listen to it at least once a day, morning or night (or both if you can!)

What to do RIGHT NOW -

1. Download the audio to your ipod, mp3 player or android right here -

(Simply right click on the link below and then click ‘Download and save file as…’

The Power of Silence Meditation – Kevin McNamara

To move forward in grief we really need to start with finding some inner peace so as we can think rationally and and think clearly, move away some of the fog surrounding us and to start feeling some positive vibrations and energy inside us. The Power of Silence Meditation is the best way I know to find that inner peace.

Enjoy.

By the way do you want to know how to move through grief and never forget your child…EVER? I would love to send you my FREE report -

‘How to Move Through Grief and Never Forget Your Child…EVER!’

Simply drop your name and email address below in the box! Thank you :)


Twitt
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6
Dec 21

Merry Christmas to All…and a special Gift

Posted on December 21, 2011 by Kevin McNamara

I know this is a tough time of your for all of us. The pain of losing a child and then going through the holiday period is one of the toughest things we are burdened with in life

Just know your loved one is always with you, holding your hand, forever smiling down upon you and guiding you through your journey.

Whatever you do over the holiday period do what YOU want to do and don’t feel guilty about whatever that is. If you haven’t already, have a look at the video post on the ’7 tips to Help with Grief During the Holidays’ below here.

Here is my special gift to you. A Guided beginners Meditation audio track.

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW

Breathe Meditation

Meditation was a major part of my own healing process.

What to do know?

1. Download the audio and put it on your ipod or mp3 player. (to download simply right click on the link and press ‘Save download as…)

2. Listen to it daily. Morning or evening are the best times.

3. Follow the meditation and allow yourself to slow your thoughts and gain clarity and peace deep inside yourself.

4. Do this EVERYDAY!

This is usually a time of year where inner peace is hard to find. This audio meditation will definitely help you.

Thanks for being part of our community here at Mother’s Who Have Lost a Child.

Have a very peaceful and safe Christmas,

Lots of love, peace and blessings to you and your family,

Kevin McNamara

P.S if you haven’t officially joined our community and received your free gift sign up here now. We would love to have you on board!

Twitt
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Dec 13

Official Launch of Mothers Who Have Lost a Child website

Posted on December 13, 2011 by Kevin McNamara

Welcome to the Official Launch of Mothers Who Have Lost a Child…Community Blog

This is a safe and secure haven for mothers who have lost a child to move through their grief to a place of inner peace and inspiration. A supportive and loving place that is all about you.

Articles, video’s, audio’s, interviews, surveys and tips and ideas to help you move from where you are to where you want to be.

WHAT DO I DO NOW? -

1.Subscribe to the page by entering your name and email address into the form on the right and press the SUBMIT button. You will then become part of the community and be advised of any new posts, video’s, articles or free stuff that will help you move through your grief. You will also receive instantly my free report ‘HOW TO MOVE THROUGH GRIEF AND NEVER FORGET YOUR CHILD…EVER!

2. Leave a comment below so I can get to know you and where you are from. It is all about getting involved in the community and I would love to hear from you.

3. Come back regularly and support others and keep up to date with all the video’s and articles.

Thank you so much.

Lots of Love, Peace and Blessings to you,

 

Kevin McNamara

 

Twitt
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2
Dec 12

7 Tips to Help with Grief During the Holidays

Posted on December 12, 2011 by Kevin McNamara

7 Tips to Help with Grief During the Holidays

Here at ‘Mothers Who Have Lost a Child’ we know the pain of losing a child is unbearable at the best of times. Mothers who have lost a child feel this pain intensify at Christmas, which is full of painful reminders and memories of their child. I have researched and tried all these tips over many years and these are the 7 best tips that have worked for me and helped me during this most painful of times. I know they will help you through this most painful of times.

1. Do Something Different – Go to a movie, the beach or do what I am doing on Christmas Day, volunteer to help cook Christmas lunch for the homeless.

2. Write Down 3 People or Things that you are Grateful for – Between now and New Years Day write down 3 things or people everyday (different ones each day) that you are grateful for. (Hint! Put your loved one at the top of the list everyday! Think of them in a loving and positive way everyday.)

3. Acknowledge Your Feelings – If you want to cry, cry, if you want to laugh, laugh. Acknowledge the fact that they are your feelings and let them flow.

4. Meditation and Visualisation – Close your eyes and visualise your child looking down on you with a big beautiful smile, reaching out and holding your hand, kissing you on the cheek and guiding you through your journey. Know, really know that your child is there for you always.

5. Faith – It doesn’t matter if you believe in God or Buddha or Mohammed or the Man in the Moon! Trust your faith and your God to help you at this time. Your God will!

6. Serve Others – Nothing is more satisfying or helpful to your well being thank helping others. Help at the local soup kitchen, volunteer to feed the homeless at Christmas lunch or just help an elderly person cross the road. There is always someone worse off than we are. Be grateful for all you have and help those with nothing. Your soul will soar and your child will be by your side and will be so proud of you.

7. Don’t Feel Guilty and Don’t Beat Yourself Up – If you would rather not participate on Christmas Day, don’t. If you want to participate and laugh then do it. Don’t ever feel guilty. Your child is there with you in spirit and doesn’t judge you. They just love you and want to help you and want you to do what you want to do. End of story.

Bonus Tip Number 8 – Remember you are NEVER Alone! Friends, family, facebook, www.motherswhohavelostachild.com community blog are all here to support you!

TO DO…Take action now on one or more of the above tips and I will speak to you soon.

Don’t forget to comment below and subscribe to the blog in the form on the right! I like hearing from you!

Love and blessings,

Kevin McNamara

 

Twitt
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6
Dec 07

An Angel Goes to Heaven

Posted on December 7, 2011 by Kevin McNamara

An Angel Goes to Heaven

 

Holly Maree McNamara, was born on the 20th August, 1988 at the Dandenong Valley Private Hospital in Melbourne, Australia. Holly died on the 18th of January, 1989. She died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (S.I.D.S). Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is also known as cot death. She was five-months-old. She was beautiful.

 

SIDS is described as being: ‘Sudden death of any infant or child which is unexpected by history and in which a thorough post-mortem examination fails to demonstrate an adequate cause of death’.

This description was made at the 2nd International Conference on Causes of SIDS held at Seattle, in the USA, in 1969.

 

My own description of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is this: ‘My beautiful five month old daughter Holly stopped breathing and died for reasons unknown to any living human being. The pain of losing a child was now with me.’

On Sunday 15th January, 1989, I was rostered on for a week of night shifts at the Cranbourne police station. Members rostered to work night shift would commence on the Sunday night and work seven nights straight. Duty would commence at 11p.m and finish at 7a.m the next morning unless of course you were forced to work overtime due to some incident occurring during your shift.

My sergeant on the night shift had three children and we enjoyed each other’s company and always had some fun on shift together.

I remember on the Tuesday night of that week sitting down with him and talking about Holly. I was telling him how beautiful she was; what a great baby she was; how she had never been sick and how I was so rapt to be a dad and have someone as wonderful as her for a daughter.  I couldn’t wait to get home to see her. I was so at peace with the world.

I knew that the first five months was the critical time for cot death and had totally accepted in my own heart that Holly was through that barrier. It had been almost five months to the day she was born and I had let my defences down completely. I had relaxed and had total belief that Holly was not going to die from cot death. This was the very night I realised what great joy it was to be a father and couldn’t wait to see her that Wednesday morning.

It had been a very uneventful Tuesday night on shift. Crime had taken the night off. The only thing that got the blood pumping was a couple of calls saying that a bus full of tourists had crashed in Kooweerup. Turned out they were prank calls. Thank God.  As 7am ticked over the morning shift arrived and I bade the guys farewell.

It was only a short drive to our home in Cranbourne. I recall it being a fairly warm morning. Slightly overcast as I pulled into the driveway.

I would always head straight for Holly’s room in the morning to see her before going to bed. Some people need to stay awake for a while after a night shift. Have some breakfast. Maybe even stay up till lunch time. But when I was on nightshift I couldn’t wait to get to bed.

I would go to the toilet, clean my teeth then jump under the covers. In two minutes I would be fast asleep.

I crept into Holly’s room on the morning of Wednesday, January 18th, 1989, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep. But in my mind hoping that she would already be awake or that my presence would wake her so I could see those beautiful big blue eyes staring at me and that beautiful mouth with the biggest smile beaming at me.

I was not disappointed as I poked my head into her room. She was lying there wide awake and as she noticed me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen lit up her face and her eyes looked into mine with that look and feeling that only a father and daughter can experience and feel.

At that very moment I knew what love was. It was there in that room. Time stood still. There was no time. I was living and experiencing the present moment like never before. I had no idea that this would be the last time that I would see Holly alive. It was as if she was giving me a lifetime of love in that one moment. I leaned into her cot and gave her a kiss. I stroked her forehead and whispered into her ear “Goodnight Hol. I love you beautiful girl.”

We all have memorable moments in our lives but without doubt the memory of that morning will live with me forever. Nothing I have experienced before or since comes close to the love and joy I experienced with Holly at that moment. I will never forget it. We were together as one. We still are.

It was around 11a.m that I heard the bedroom window being pounded on and a voice calling my name. I remember waking with a jolt and wondering what the hell was going on. I actually felt quite annoyed at being woken. It took a while to come to my senses but after a few seconds I realised it was my mother-in law. She was yelling out “Kevin, Kevin, quick it’s Holly. She is at the doctor’s and there is something wrong with her breathing.”

I jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed. I remember putting on a pair of blue tracksuit pants and a blue and white sweater, with the words ‘San Francisco’ written on the front that I had bought over in America fifteen months earlier. It is amazing the things we remember at critical times in our lives. The things that stick in our minds. I went to the front door and my mother-in-law repeated her earlier warning. She looked very upset and worried. I kept reassuring her that Holly would be fine. She drove me to the doctor’s surgery that was about one kilometre away from where we lived.

I remember on the way constantly reassuring her that there was nothing to worry about and that Holly would be awake and laughing when we arrived. I honestly believed that I would arrive at the surgery and the doctor would say that everything is fine and she was just a bit off colour. I vividly recall when I was being driven to the surgery that in my head I had total confidence that Holly would be crawling around the floor of the surgery and would look up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers and smile. I was actually looking forward to seeing her.

When we arrived I was ushered immediately from the waiting room and into a medical room. I was met by our family doctor. I noticed there were four ambulance officers also in the room who were gathered around a bed that was directly behind the doctor.  His first words to me were “I am sorry. We tried everything.”

At this moment in time I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. I said to him, “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” My mind was just numb. He said again, “I am sorry. We tried everything.” I was still confused. I had been in a deep sleep only to be woken and driven down to the doctor’s surgery. Nothing was making sense. I then looked over at the ambulance officers standing around the bed. The pain of losing a child had hit them hard. All four had tears in their eyes. I then noticed the small child lying on the bed.

It was Holly.

♥

The doctor asked me if I would like to hold her and passed her to me. I held her tight and looked at her beautiful face. She seemed so content as though she was sleeping peacefully. It did not register then that she had died and it would not register for some time. My body had shut down emotionally and I was numb.

My wife had been at the hairdresser that morning and her mum had been looking after Holly. She arrived at the surgery a short time later. When she walked in she was understandably distressed and crying, in shock and very emotional. She was asking me questions but I had no answers. We both just kept looking at this beautiful child who had just died.

I had entered a vacuum. No feeling, no emotion, no tears, no pain. Nothingness.

The pain of losing a child had just begun.

♥

Twitt
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